Time Management: Spouse Abroad Life Juggler and Day Planner

A big part of my job as an accompanying spouse the last 12 years was to be available to guests that visit us every year.  So far in the last three months, we've had four sets of visitors.  We are so very lucky that people make an effort to stay connected.  Please don't get me wrong.  I love, love, love guests.  But, now that I'd like to write more (i.e., the blog), my time isn't as flexible as it used to be.  Obviously, since this is my first post in (I don't know how many) weeks, I haven't quite figured out how to manage the situation.  I work at home.  People in the home.  No door on the office.   I know.  I just need to move my computer to a room with a door and make time.  Tell that to the hostess.

But it's more than just the guests.   I have realized that for the last ten years my job has been mostly reactionary: change a stinky diaper, wipe a runny nose, change wet sheets, feed hungry people, do the laundry when the hampers were full, show guests around town.  Very little about my day did I control.  For the most part it had to be that way.  There's only so much we can do to control when a child poops and pees, when they are hungry, when the floodgates open in the middle of the night, when guests can make the hellish trip overseas.  But the kids are older now.  Most of our guests have been there, done that.  There is less for me to react to.  So, of course, I've been finding stuff to react to.

I've tried to take control of my life.  I've had my share of depressing, continually growing to-do lists.  I could never finish the List.  Things would stay on the List for months; I'd become overwhelmed, then discouraged, then depressed.  Finally after decades of this, I ditched the "to-do" lists, reveling in my new found freedom.  But then I started forgetting stuff, lots of stuff.

So this spring I tried iCal.  Oh!  A time for everything!  I filled in laundry time, cooking time, prep time, transportation time, writing time, pick-my-nose time, you have it!  Looking at the filled-in calendar, I realized that I actually did work!  Imagine!

I trucked along for a few weeks, trying to adjust time frames for activities I hadn't realized sucked so much time out of my day (laundry).   But, I kept having to check the "schedule" to see if I was on track.  Most of the time I wasn't.  I still had to be reactionary.  Kids still threw up in places other than the toilet.  The garage still flooded.  I had to shift stuff.  I'd end the day totally missing stuff in the later time slots.  I started dreading opening up iCal every morning.  I began to hate iCal and it's "efficient" little time slots.  What was wrong with me that I couldn't follow a work schedule?  More guilt.  Discouragement.  Frustration.  I became distracted by a closet that needed to be purged, sick kids at home or having guests, until I felt so lost that I  
just  
stopped. (That would be about 3 weeks ago)

The pressure dissipated, but so did my self-worth.  I was feeling just plain empty.  I needed to write.  I needed to manage our house.  I needed to be a mom and a wife.  I needed to find a solution.

So, being the wonk that I am, I went into research mode.  I scoured the web for "work-at-home mom" info and time management advice and came across some pretty useful information.   This quote from homemakersdaily.com, "I want to live my life on purpose, not by default,"  grabbed me by the collar and shook some sense into me.

Much to my chagrin, I found that day planners are a favorite time management tool.  Although they look suspiciously similar to iCal, I thought I'd meld a few together and give them a try.  The ones I prefer are a bit more free-formed, directing me back on track to the most important elements that I want to accomplish each day without the hour increments.  What I have to remember is that some important things are MORE important than others.  I  must begin my day with the most, most  important thing or it gets bumped.  If I do that one really, really important thing, I have succeeded.

Homelifesimplified.com has a compilation of planners from various sites on the web.  My favorites in the compilation were, homemakersdaily.com, homelifesimplified.com, and lifes-a-journal.com.  Inspired by these, I made my own.  Now each evening before or that morning, I fill out a form.  Then, throughout the day, I highlight what I accomplish when I accomplish it (this makes me feel really good).  Most importantly, I forgive myself for not completing everything on the page.  It's a guide.  Life happens and superimposes itself onto my day.  The nerve of it!

Day Planner Simple     Day Planner Simple/Empty

Day Planner Color/Shapes     Day Planner Color/Shapes/Empty

Here are my beautiful, ridiculously time-consuming creations, but your free, click-of-a-button printables.  Click on the links to take you to the original site for downloads.  See how much I love you?

For No Other Reason Than to Laugh

“On the morning of our second day, we were strolling down the Champs-Elysées when a bird shit on his head. ‘Did you know a bird’s shit on your head?’ I asked a block or two later.
Instinctively Katz put a hand to his head, looked at it in horror – he was always something of a sissy where excrement was concerned; I once saw him running through Greenwood Park in Des Moines like the figure in Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ just because he had inadvertently probed some dog shit with the tip of his finger – and with only a mumbled ‘Wait here’ walked with ramrod stiffness in the direction of our hotel. When he reappeared twenty minutes later he smelled overpoweringly of Brut aftershave and his hair was plastered down like a third-rate Spanish gigolo’s, but he appeared to have regained his composure. ‘I’m ready now,’ he announced.

Almost immediately another bird shit on his head. Only this time it really shit. I don’t want to get too graphic, in case you’re snacking or anything, but if you can imagine a pot of yoghurt upended onto his scalp, I think you’ll get the picture. ‘Gosh, Steve, that was one sick bird,’ I observed helpfully.
Katz was literally speechless. Without a word he turned and walked stiffly back to the hotel, ignoring the turning heads of passers-by. He was gone for nearly an hour. When at last he returned, he was wearing a windcheater with the hood up. ‘Just don’t say a word,’ he warned me and strode past. He never really warmed to Paris after that.”

― Bill Bryson, Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe

10 Questions

Radiology, mammography and ultrasound technician Jeanne Walker on what she has learned during her 14 moves, living through a Bolivian blockade and why she would do it all over again

What do friends and family back home say about your choice of lifestyle?

Some friends are envious of the lifestyle, large houses, maids, parties, great travel opportunities but others ask about the effect on the children and their education.

What is the scariest thing you've experienced at a post?  

While we were in Bolivia there was a lot of political unrest. The local indigenous people wanted to overthrow the president and bring in their own leader. They blocked off all the roads in and out of La Paz, which sits in a bowl and so we were basically cut off from the rest of the world for a week. My husband was away on a trip, so it was just myself and the children and we were confined to our houses. We could hear gunfire and we were told that rioters were coming up our street. We couldn't go out to  shop for food so the few American neighbours we had all pooled their food together and we all ate together. The scary part was that we didn't know how long the blockade would go on for and whether our food and water would last us. In the end it was only a week but it was very scary at the time.

The loveliest?

The loveliest thing was when we were living in Cape Town. It was my birthday and my husband and I had both taken the day off to go golfing. The golf course was in a small town just outside Cape Town and it was right on the edge of the ocean. I was just about to tee off and Jeff shouted, ‘Jeanne, Jeanne, look!’ When I looked up there were two whales breaching out of the water just about a hundred yards away. It was a magical sight and I’ll never forget it.

What is one thing you have learned from each of the different cultures among which you have lived?

I don’t know about from each of the different cultures but I do know that I have learnt that people all over the world, whether they be Christian, Muslim, rich or poor, educated or illiterate, all want the best for their families. They want their children to have better lives, education and jobs than they have and they will work hard to try and make things better for their children no matter where in the world they might be from.

What is some advice you would give to someone just starting out or considering this lifestyle?

For somebody considering the lifestyle I would say that if the trailing spouse has to give up their career they should know how hard that might actually be. I think it is quite difficult for some spouses who have had fulfilling careers to give that up and possibly not be able to continue with their chosen career path in the future.

For somebody starting out I would say that you should consider this lifestyle as one big adventure. You never really know what country you’ll be living in next, what your house will be like, if you’ll be able to find a job, but you do know that there’ll be interesting places to go and people to meet. 

What do you do to get involved when you are at post?

I like to join clubs, International Women’s club, book club, choir. I like to volunteer to help local charities and I get involved with the school that my children attend. I join the PTA, or PTSA as it is here. That way I get to know other parents and to know some of the teachers that will be teaching my children.

What is the one thing you would have taken with you from each of the countries you've lived?

In Morocco our nanny Zaina, in Bolivia the magnificent views and the hiking trails, in Cape Town being close to the ocean, wineries and mountains all at once, in Uzbekistan the fabulous local staff work colleagues.

 What is one thing you miss the most from your home country?

My friends and their British sense of humour.

Would you do it all over again?

I think so…..I guess the grass is always greener….. My friends in England envy us living and travelling all over the world. I envy the fact that they can decorate their house as they wish with their own furniture. They can plan a garden and grow perennials. They meet friends every week that they have known since primary school. They get to visit relatives as often (or as little J) as they wish. They have good jobs and have worked their way to the top of their career fields without having to start at the bottom every 2 or 3 years. But would I choose this all over again, yes I certainly would!

 How many degrees of separation are there between you and the President Obama?

I guess 6 or less, right?