The List and the Crystal Ball: the best thing about moving

The List has come out.  For those of us in the Foreign Service, you know what I'm talking about.  There is no other List.  For those of you not in the Service, the list is a compilation of job openings around the world that Foreign Service employees bid on for their next post.  The List contains our future.  The List is like a crystal ball.

The List transports me back to my childhood, sitting in my Florida bougainvillea cave diving into the pages of National Geographic, dreaming of jungle treks and peering down from the Eiffel tower.  Do you remember the ring-necked women of Thailand?  The chimpanzee hugging Jane Goodall?  The gold-encrusted King Tut's tomb?  I traveled all over the world from my blanket beneath those rose-colored vines.

I'm one of those rare creatures, a native Floridian, a 4th generation Bradentonian, Floridian to be exact.  I grew up in the old South.  As a 9-year-old wearing white gloves to cotillion, I bowed to pretend dignitaries and learned how to waltz.  As a young bride, I attended tea parties in my honor and had a trousseau.  Really.  Although I loved climbing orange trees and floating in the Gulf of Mexico, something pulled me beyond the Sunshine State.  As I devoured every National Geographic magazine that landed at our house, I knew I wanted to be "there."

The List takes me "there."  A decade ago, before the omni-present internet, my husband and I thumbed through our pocket atlas, the corners chewed by our dog, Oxford (yes, as in Oxford University, where my husband and I met (collective, "ah," now)).  I remember thinking, "Where in the heck are Ljubliana, N'Djamena, and Tbilisi?  And how exactly did you say them?"  I remember drifting through the pages of my atlas, running my finger over the map, and then sailing back to those pages of National Geographic and imagining myself there.  I've now been to Ljubliana and know how to wrap my tongue around that consonant-imbibed word.  N'Djamena and Tbilisi just might be in our future- only The List knows . . .

To this day, The List helps me feel my American worldly  ignorance as it shows posts by their capital cities, rather than the countries.  Not that I would know where  Eritrea, Guyana, or Malawi are either.  It sometimes makes me feel doubly stupid.  It also sends me to the computer, googling these enticing enigmas, dousing me in color, in wonder, in awe.  It carries me to the desert, the glaciers, and metropolises.  Eventually, it lands me in my new home.  Then I'm living it.  I'm living in the pages of National Geographic.

I love the journey through The List.  Now if only it could transport me passed the packing, the saying goodbye, and the airplane flights, and plop me into my new adventure, as easily as turning the page of my magazine.

Why not get paid to shop online?

Okay.  We shop a lot online.  I hate shopping online (it always feels like it takes hours!), but in most cases, products are cheaper and of better quality from the U.S.  Plus, U.S. stores are familiar.  We know what we are getting.

I don't remember how we stumbled upon Upromise, but I'm glad we did.  It pays you to shop.  Seriously. Well, actually it adds money to a college fund which is still pretty cool.  If you shop through the Upromise site (its directory includes almost every shopping site known to mankind) you get a percentage of your purchase price (1%-25%) added to a college fund, plus you get deals and coupons just for Upromise users.  You can invite your family (who aren't planning on going to college) to join you in your savings.  If they shop through the site, it will add to your fund!  For those of you stateside, you also can get a percentage of your bill from local restaurants and grocery stores added to your savings.  Score!   It doesn't cost you an extra penny!

For those of us lucky enough to have APO/DPO addresses, one frustration with shopping online is whether or not stores ship to APO/DPO.  I have started a black list of the stores who don't (grrr), but left it in Serbia (I'm on R&R in the U.S. at the moment) and promise to share it with you when I return.  I did some googling and found this site which includes a discussion and list of APO friendly online stores.  I find it easier, though, to know the stores that don't send, since the list is shorter.

For those of you who don't have APO/DPO address, I found MyUS.com, a service where you can "buy" a U.S. address and they will re-ship it to you.  This service seems to be the most cost effective.  You pay an initial set-up fee and a monthly or annual fee based on your needs (from $0/month/year to $25/month or $195/year) plus a percentage of the order (minimum $10).  If you have used this service or others like it, please let us know about your experience!

So, the one consolation for the hours of frustration it takes to shop online is that you're at least saving for you or your kids' college education.  It's almost like being paid to shop.  Who can beat that?

Spouses, share with us your online shopping advice!

Why doesn't a RESERVATION with United mean RESERVED seats on the plane?

Okay, what in Wright's name is going on?  (Get it?  Wright brothers. Okay, not so funny.) In the last week we've flown on 7 flights with United and it's partners and only once was I able to get seats together with my 6 and 9-year-old.  The one flight with seats together was the flight out of Belgrade to Frankfurt which is never full and there are no assigned seats.  On the 8+ hour flight from Frankfurt to Chicago in which I was flying alone with the kids, they had the three of us spread out over the three sections of the plane, and all in middle seats.  Wonderful.  So, not only did I have to negotiate for seats together, I had to do it with middle seats.  Who wants to sit in a middle seat for a transatlantic flight?  No one.  No one had pity on the lowly mother with young children spread across the plane.  One woman actually said to me, "I'm not changing my aisle seat on an 8-hour flight.  I'll look after him.  You don't need to worry."  The mama bear woke up inside me (my 3am wake-up call (did I ever really fall asleep?) wasn't helping) and it took all of my will power not to - even verbalizing my thoughts would get me into trouble.  Finally, a wonderful gentleman overheard the conversation and told me that at his wife and two children were flying to Japan at the moment (compatriots in need of karma!) and switched his aisle seat with hers and then switched that seat with my middle seat.  Wherever you are, my airplane knight, I thank you, again!

We had made these reservations 2 months prior to our travel.  Like usual, in making the reservations, they asked for the ages of the kids.  And, like usual we thought that in making RESERVATIONS we were RESERVING seats together.  Apparently, these two words no longer are related.  This has never happened to this extent before now.  The ticket counter woman kept saying that now in addition to buying the tickets you have to reserve seats.  But when we tried to "reserve" seats on flights 5 days in the future, all seats were full and they couldn't put us together.  Then we tried to reserve seats for our return to Serbia in a month.  The agent said that we couldn't; they hadn't assigned an aircraft yet.  Um.  So, when can we reserve seats?  When the aircraft is assigned.  When will the aircraft be assigned?  We won't know until it is assigned.  Am I in some kind of Orwellian airlines warp?

Spouses, does anyone know how to reserve seats together for flights with United?  I'll be damn if I have to deal with this on our way back.  I have a feeling that I'll be damned.

When do you break the news to the kids? Some tips and our favorite book and video for kids who are moving

I find that it helps for kids to process the move when they see others that have been in similar situations in books and videos, but I highly suggest keeping the moving conversation really general ("Yep, we'll move on to another adventure in a little while,") until you get closer to the actual move date.  Remember, to a 3-year-old, a month is a REALLY long time.  We made the mistake of telling our young son 3 weeks out and every day for 21 days he would ask, "Are we moving today?"  Time is not a concept that toddlers can grasp.  A week, maybe two before pack-out, are totally enough for those under 4.  Having a calendar where they can mark off days helps them understand how much time is left.

Before, during and after the move is a good time to read books and watch videos on the subject.  Our favorite book is, The Berenstain Bears Moving Day.  The bears are moving from their forest cave in the mountains to their famous treehouse.  It teaches kids how to say goodbye to good friends and to meet new ones.  I especially like the scene when Brother Bear goes to sleep in his bed for the last time amid boxes piled up around the room.  I can totally smell the cardboard!

Little Bill's, Same Moon, Same Sun, Same Stars, is by far the best video about the subject that we've found.  Oh gosh, it makes me cry every time I watch it.  But don't let that turn you off!  It's a great clip about a neighbor of Little Bill's who is moving and how he doesn't want her to go.  She sings to him that they will forever be linked by just looking up at the sky, because no matter where you are in the world, you and your friends are still sharing the same sky together.  Sniff, sniff.

If you are interested in these items, there is a link to them in the sidebar to the right.

Spouses, what other books, videos or songs have you found that speak to our moving kids?  Please leave suggestions below!

Thank you! Gracias! Hvala! Khawp khun! благодарам! Merci! for Jennifer's Language Blog!

It's amazing what "Thank you" can do in the local language.  We yearn for it in our everyday lives and feel gratified when we hear it.  Over and over again, we teach our children to say it. It may be the two most important words in the English language.  It is no different in the rest of the world.  When you say, "Thank you," in the local language it can mean so many things: "Thank you for your patience (when you pantomimed a bee to find honey), for your honesty (as they count out the foreign change in your hand), for your help (when a fellow patron translates for you), or for your welcoming smile.

Jennifer's Language Page shows you how to say, "thank you" in over 2,000 languages!  It also includes "please," greetings, and how to ask a person's name, the phrases that open the door to a relationship ripe with opportunities to learn about each other's countries.  Write the phrases on an index card and keep it in your pocket when you venture into the city.  Don't be shy to pull it out and read the phrases.  Believe me, your efforts will be appreciated!  You don't want to be seen as the, "Ugly American," slowly and loudly enunciating each English word, cramming them down a local's ear.  Even though many people around the world do speak English, saying even a few words in the local language will enrich your sojourn and take you places you never dreamed you could go.

Click here to go to Jennifer's Language Page to learn how to say many phrases in pretty much every language!

Leaving town? Kids need closure too. 6 ideas to ease your move.

Six ideas to help ease your kids' transition out of town.

1. Hold your own goodbye party and invite the families of your kids' friends too.  Make it a potluck (I'm big on potluck- so much easier!) and outside (again, easier!).
2. Make a list of the 3 places you want to see again in your town before you leave and then see them!  You can change the number of places depending on the length of time you have before you go.  Take pictures and put them in the album in #3.
3. The last month/week you are in town go around and take pictures of your kids with their favorite people (friends, teachers, neighbors) and in the places they went the most (school, library, tennis class, soccer field, ballet).  Make a cheap photo album with them and let them decorate the cover. Let them bring the album in their suitcase or carry-on.
4. Use a shoe box or gift bag and let them fill it with "special things" from the place your leaving (flowers, peebles, bus tickets, things that won't fit in the album).  They can decorate the outside and bring it with them.
5. At the end-of-the-school-year party, let their friends draw and write goodbye pictures and messages on a t-shirt or large poster board to bring with you.
6. Always talk about your move in terms of an adventure!  Kids love adventures!  When you all start to bemoan all the places and people you are going to miss, acknowledge the difficulty with moving and commiserate, but then balance those sad thoughts with happy and exciting ones, all the places and new people you are going to see!  Do some research on the internet and find some cool places that you'll go to in your new town.  Talk them up!

Onward, nomads, onward! 

Spouses, any other ideas to smooth over the rough edges of "the move?"  Please share.

Travel tip #3: Let the kids pack! Really! Free Packing Lists included!

I have a nine-year-old and a six-year-old.  In May we went on a four day trip and I tried something new.  I had them pack their own suitcases.  Really.  I know what you are thinking!  But, no, they didn't end up with 2 t-shirts and no underwear.  I made them packing lists, ones I can print out again, and it worked gloriously!  I typed out all the possible items they might need and left a blank next to each item so I can fill in the number depending on the length of our trip.  Then I left a big space after each item for them to make a check mark when they packed the items (they love making check marks).  For the younger one, I have pictures next to any items she might have trouble reading.

I had saved the clear zippered cases bedspreads and sheets come in (unfortunately I save stuff, not a good trait for someone who moves a lot, but this time I actually used the stuff!).  I had them use these cases (a laundry basket lined with a trash bag works for those of you smart enough not to save "stuff") and they filled their bags, zipped them up and brought them upstairs to the big duffel bag.  I dropped the two clear cases into the duffel, zipped it up, and, "Wa La," packing was done.  When we arrived at our destination, I lifted the clear cases out of the duffel bag, no clothing jambalaya to deal with, and dumped the contents into their appropriate drawers.  Geez, I sound like one of those people who organize peoples lives for a living.  Ha!  I just kinda stumbled on this.  I have to admit, I'm quite proud of it.

I've included a Free Children's Packing List like I describe in the first paragraph, so you don't need to make one!  Just click "read more" below.  Enjoy your trip and the extra time you'll have before it not having to pack for everyone!

Here an example of one of my beautiful, ridiculously time-consuming creations, but your free, click-of-a-button printable.  The copy didn't come out perfectly here, but you get the idea.  Click on the links to take you to the original sites for downloads.  You can change them to fit your needs.  See how much I still love you?

General Packing Checklist

Girl's Packing Checklist

Boy's Packing Checklist

Girl’s packing checklist:

Item	#	x	Item	#	x	Item	#	x
Pants			Bathi			Socks
coat			Short			Hat
Rain coat			Short-shirt			Glove
shoes			Longshirt			Scarf
Sandals			Underwear			brush
Dress shoes			PJ’s			paste

New to town? If you BBQ, they will come.

During the summer of 2011 we left Macedonia after a 3 year posting and moved back to the U.S. for 10 months of language training.  Gotta love those short-term hiccups.  What a pain.  My son was just about to enter the 2nd grade in a U.S. school for the first time and my daughter was entering a pre-K program.  They knew no one.  Interestingly, my best friend, who also happens to be in the Foreign Service, and I own townhouses in the same neighborhood in Alexandria.  She and her family were just leaving the U.S. after a year of language.  This always seems to happen to us- the longest overlap we have had was 2 weeks.  This time it was 4 days.

My son, like me, is an introvert.  Lucky us that we live a life that forces us to live outside of our comfort zone.  I no longer really know what exactly my comfort zone is anymore.  Sometimes I feel like it might be a cave in the jungle along the River Quai in Thailand.  Therefore, I was terrified for my son to enter a classroom of 19 kids and not know a single soul.  My daughter, on the other hand, will march into a room of hundreds and announce that she has arrived, as if, of course, everyone has been waiting for her.  Needless to say, I wasn't so nervous for her.  Luckily for my son, my friend has a daughter the same age as he.  While we were still in Macedonia, I asked her if she thought that any of the friends she and her family had made this year would come to a potluck back-to-school BBQ at the park across the street from our house.  My idea was to get my kids to meet some kids before school started so there would be some familiar faces in the sea of new ones at school.  My friend sent out an email to 5 families with kids the same age as ours and asked them about it and cc'd me.  We had a positive response from everyone we contacted, people who I had never met.  I emailed them back with the details.

A week before school started, 6 families with a total of close to 20 kids convened in our park.  While the grown-ups chatted and ate, the kids became knights and kung-fu princesses, playing like they had known each other all their lives.  It was a beautiful site for this fearful mom.

On the first day of school, several of the kids ran up to us as we entered the playground.  My son walked into his classroom with his new friends.  I too had some familiar smiling faces on the playground.  I am forever indebted to these families who eased our transition back to the States.  To you guys out there, "Thank you!"  You know who you are.

So, don't wait for someone to hold a welcome party for you.  Hold your own.  If you know one person in  your new town, ask them to contact 4-6 of their friends for a potluck BBQ or if you have kids, a back-to-school party.  Have it at a park if your lucky to have one close-by (easier prep and clean-up), if not have it at your house.  Make it a potluck; it's so much easier for those of you recovering from a recent move.

Make the first move in making new friends.  Sometimes, you have to make the second, third and fourth move too.  Don't give-up.  Don't get discouraged.  It isn't you.  People are busy.  Life is busy.  If you can create enough shared moments with someone, you'll start to have a common ground.  That's not easy to do when your ground continually moves, but it isn't impossible.  Take it slowly and enjoy the ride.

Spouses, what are some of your get-to-know-you tricks of the trade?  Please share them.  We need all the help we can get.

Travel tip #2: Frequent Flyer Numbers Are Only Handy When You Have Them

Keep a list of your frequent flyer numbers in your wallet.  Always.

I was just on the phone with United for an hour trying to get my family's miles posted to my account. If I had only had the numbers at the check-in counter, I could have been, I don't know, eating chocolate cake and dancing in my living room to the Black Eyed Peas this last hour.


Some helpful links, just in case you aren't signed-up:
United Frequent Flyer sign-up
Delta Frequent Flyer sign-up
American Airlines sign-up
US Airways sign-up

Spouses, any frequent flyer tips?  Come on, don't hog those upgrades!  Leave 'em here.

Travel tip #1: Passport renewals

Tape a list of each of your family members' passport expiration dates and the date you need to start renewing them on the outside of your passport file.  Just so you don't have to worry (am I the only one who does that?), begin renewing them at least 3-6 months before the expiration.  I hesitate to write this because I am a recovering procrastinator and this would just give me license to wait, but for a US passport, if you live in the US it can take as little as 5 days to 6 weeks depending on if you want expedited service and how long it takes the US postal system to get it to you.   If you live in Asia? Africa? The Stans? Eastern Europe? You're gonna need a bit more time.  Check with your embassy; they'll know.  Here are a few links for passport renewals.  

US renewals
Canada renewals
Australian renewals
UK renewals
New Zealand renewals

Okay, funny story (now I can say that). This last summer my family was moving to Belgrade, Serbia, our next post. We had sold our car and rented our house. We were outta there! We arrived at Dulles Airport feeling quite pleased with ourselves that we were 3 1/2 hours early for our flight. We lugged all eight 50 pound pieces of luggage and 8 carry-ons to the ticket counter and handed the agent our passports. She looked up and asked, "I need your daughter's current passport. This one is expired." Yes, after more than 10 years of doing this, we let our daughter's passport expire. Our excuse? Her's was on a different schedule than the rest of us. Whatever. My husband and son flew to Belgrade that day while my daughter and I lugged our four 50 pound pieces of luggage and 4 carry-ons back to the curb and hailed a cab. Luckily, we had the cell number for our friends in Chantilly who hosted us until we had a valid passport in hand. Good grief.  This is how I learn the hard way.


Spouses, any other passport advice?  Or would you rather just leave us behind?  Please, share your wisdom.
Or do you have a travel story that tops mine?  Please, give us a chuckle!

Have kids, will fly. 5 travel tips for traveling with a baby.

Here are the 5 things that maybe you wouldn't think of before traveling long distances with a baby.  They are mostly for airplane travel, but some may come in handy for shorter on the ground trips.  Most of these I learned the hard way.  I'm hoping to save you some extra trials and tribulations of traveling with a baby.  Like there aren't enough already.


1.  Let the airlines know that you would like the baby bassinet with your seat.  This is a bassinet connected in front of your seat where the baby can sleep and your hands are free.  The only downside to this is that you are in the very front seats (of coach, that is) and you don't have storage under the seats in front of you (since there are no seats).  That can be a pain, but worth it if you know your babe will snooze.


2.  Don't wear overalls and wear slip-on shoes.  Okay, I know I'm dating myself.  Again.  Who wears overalls anymore?  (What a shame, right?  They were so comfy).  What I'm saying, though, is check your attire or any extra metal buttons or zippers.  Metal detectors don't like metal buttons.  You'll get the pat down every time.   Juggling a baby and your carry-ons during your 3rd pat down, now that's fun.  If you haven't figured out yet to wear slip-on shoes while traveling in an airplane, here's the time to simplify your security checkpoint life.  If you are traveling overseas, you can have two of these checkpoints at every layover, when you enter the new airport and when you enter the plane.  Oh, and now in Atlanta, when you arrive from overseas, you have to go through security before you can LEAVE the airport.  I've gone through security on one single trip up to seven times.  (I challenge you:  who can beat that?)

3.  While on the clothes note, try to wear clothes that won't show wetness (spandex? ooo, the 80's rock).  I'll never forget wearing tan cotton pants with my nursing son on a trip, thinking that they wouldn't show dirt (dirt?  the kid can't even roll over yet) and would be comfy.  First layover, the kid barfs all over my lap.  Okay, it's inevitable that you'll be wearing milk stains for a year or so, I could live with that.  But I had to walk through the airport and down the aisle of the airplane with what appeared to be an "accident" caused by post-pregnancy incontinence.  Lovely.

4.  Bring masking tape and Post-its.  If you have older babies who like to play.  Bring these items along with you.  You cannot imagine the myriad of things you can do with this stuff:  make sticky balls, tape highways, post-it peek-a-boos, tape faces on the back of chairs.  These things won't hurt the cushions at all and your baby will be entertained for quite a while.  It really is amazing.

5.  Buy a Sit 'n Stroll.  When my son was born, I was over-the-top anti-baby gear.  I tend to get that way.  I was traveling by myself with my 3 month old from Mexico to the US and then a month later to Guatemala.  There was no way I was lugging around a car seat, a stroller, and the over-stuffed baby bag, plus 3 stuffed 70 lbs suitcases and a pack 'n play.  And a cat.  Oh, and let's not forget the baby.  When I was pregnant I flew a few times (imagine that!) and was thumbing through the Sky Mall Magazine.  I always get a good chuckle out of the canopy dog beds and water flowing drinking fountains for cats.  This time, though,  I saw the solution to my too much baby gear problem, the Sit 'n Stroll.  It's a car seat that transforms into a stroller in seconds AND it's a FAA certified flight seat.  We used that thing for 6 years, for 2 kids, through 4 countries and hundreds of airports.  It's now available in online stores (and maybe real stores too).  Don't forget to ask for the seatbelt extension when you board the plane.

P.S. I also want to mention a really cool website from which I swear I did not steal my article title.   This site has it all when traveling by plane, train, and automobile with little ones.   http://havebabywilltravel.com/

Bon Voyage!  Srecan Put!  Buen Viaje!

Spouses, got traveling with baby tips?  Please, please share in the comments below!

my head is full of glue

I just got home from Serbian class.  My head feels like it's full of glue.  You know the feeling? As if your eyebrows are pierced with 1/4 lbs. weights.  Don't get me wrong.  I highly recommend learning the language of the country in which you live.  It is hard, though.  Here you are, this grown-up, accomplished person, but when you are learning a language you feel, well, absolutely stupid.  You can say hardly anything and then when you do you sound like Pebbles on the Flintstones (I just dated myself).  Oh, how many times did I come home from Spanish class bawling like the baby I sounded like in class?  It gets easier.  With every language you learn, it gets easier.  Maybe you get over feeling like an imbecile more quickly.  Maybe you realize that it's worth it because you see how people light up when they realize you want to communicate on their terms.

The amusing thing about the "glue" comment is that it reminds me of a poem I wrote when I was just becoming proficient in Spanish.  Even at the roughest point in learning, Spanish felt like honey in my ears.  Think of flamenco.  Smooth and melodic.  Macedonian, Serbian?   These languages mirror the traditional Serbian dance, the Kolo, complex, amazingly strong, yet incredibly beautiful.  You've got to watch this video to understand why my head, like my feet are oozing glue.  It's a little intimidating.

 Okay, now here's honey.

Learning Spanish

by Stephanie Rowlands

Her words flow over me like honey,

liquid and sticky.

Some of it sticks;

Some of it simply and quietly flows to the ground

and gathers in a puddle of goo.

But the part that sticks,

those golden pieces of sun

coat my mouth

sine my lips.

I roll my tongue through them,

around them,

pushing and massaging them like

the gap from a lost tooth,

supple and pink,

foreign and strange.

But after a while,

after enough sticking and prodding

my tongue gets used to it

until

the sharp edges of the cloudy white tooth

prick my tongue

and until

enough honey sticks

and my mouth is full

full of teeth

of cloud

of honey

and once open,

the gold will flow from my sticky teeth

into her ears

and some of it will stick

and some of it will simply and quietly flow to the ground

but enough to it will stick

and she will understand.

Tell us your language trials, tribulations and triumphs!

Dear Christine Barnes Crocker,

Dear Mrs. Crocker,

I was trying to find a creative new name for my blog and googled famous diplomats in the hopes of finding out about their spouses when I, of course, came across your husband.  As you know, he is quite famous in the world, but especially the Foreign Service.  His name is spoken in the FS community with reverence and awe.

I knew, though, that there was most likely a spouse in the shadow of this great man.  So, I found out your name and started googling.  I was/am amazed.  I can find so little.  Maybe you have kept your life private, since what I mostly find is that you are a former member of the Foreign Service, and that you won the State Department's Award for Heroism in 2002.  My goodness!  The Award for Heroism!  I should say so!  But there are no specifics on that.  I can only assume it is regarding the bombing of the Embassy in Syria, or maybe it was for Beirut, Lebanon, or Baghdad, but I could be wrong.  I mean, good grief, you also served in Pakistan and Kuwait where bombs flying are as common as birds.  After a lot of searching I discovered that you survived the attack on the US embassy in Beirut in 1983 with a nasty head injury, the bombing of the Syrian ambassador's residence and embassy in 1998, and the March 2008 attack on the Green Zone in Baghdad where the upstairs windows of the your residence were blown out while you were inside, and still you stayed.

goodbyes have begun

moving trucks start filling our neighborhood tomorrow.  goodbyes have begun.  i'm the mushy one, swallowing my tears even though the actual words won't be said for 10 more days.  and i'm staying.  staying, though, has its disadvantages too.  the constant reminders of old friends that have moved on continually pop-up.  i'm saying goodbye to my balkan confidant, my prijatelica.  who will i moan and groan with over a shot of rakija when she leaves?  who will walk with me arm and arm in the open market?  i've known her now for 5 years and 4 of them we lived in the same country, the same city even!  it's like a bit of your heart gets chipped away with every goodbye.  luckily a little bit is added when we say hello.  oh, i will miss you, mi amiga.  okay.  now i'm crying.

Spouses, do you have a special goodbye to someone?  Leave it here.

Click here to go to Jennifer's Language page to learn how to say many phrases in every language!

moving sucks.

oh my gosh.  i just ran into a friend who is leaving post in a month.  i feel bad, but all that keeps running through my mind is, "thank god, that's not me."  i get the shivers just thinking about it.  thank god thank god thank god.  i love what we do and all, but i hate, hate, hate moving.  i like arriving at new places.  i like exploring new countries.  i love the adventures. but moving just plan sucks.

i was thumbing through my journal from last year and found the page where i started the countdown (1 month and 4 days to be exact) until moving day.  and then the to-do list.  okay, see if this doesn't make you want to throw-up (not that i want to make you throw-up, just saying): "find TB test results, scan school docs, schedule painter, get info from dry cleaners about time for rugs and down comforter, schedule mammogram, schedule cleaning service, clean out drawers, goodwill run, change address, make father's day presents, mail, buy june and july b-day presents, buy consumables, take pics of car for sale, clean car first, . . ."  And that's not even half of it.  the list swarms inside your head.  and there is nothing to stop it.  nothing to make it easier.  no matter how many times you do it, moving sucks.

after the swarm has diminished and the moving truck drives away and i walk back inside to a house that once buzzed with activity and energy and now is empty with used up packing tape rolls strewn around the room, muddy boot prints on the hardwood floors,  and chia pet puffs of dog fur huddling in the corners, i am too exhausted and empty to cry.  my footsteps echo through the house, bounce off the blank walls.  it's not my house anymore.

crap.  what the hell am i doing?  i can't go there and i don't have to for another 3 years!  3 years!  i can't believe i'm going to live in the same house for 4 years.  i haven't done that since i left my childhood home to go off to college.  what will it feel like?  you know, i hate to say it, but one of the first things to cross my mind when we got the okay to extend our 3-year tour one more year was, "damn, it's going to be even harder to move."  i couldn't help it.  what does this inevitable instability do to a person?  especially a person who lived in the same house from the time she was born until she was 18.  i used to say good-bye to hotel rooms.  that's how attached i used to get to places where i slept (no, i no longer do that.  can you imagine?  i'd constantly be homesick if i hadn't gotten over that neurosis).  I've been moving every year to 3 years for the last 23 years.  my god.

okay, we can ponder that one for a while.

Spouses, do you have some moving advice?  Why are you keeping it to yourself?  Leave it here.